ungrateful bitch
2002-01-16 at 1:33 p.m.

Bunny is sick again...I wish I knew what was wrong, a seizure? a blind spell? dizziness? If only she could talk! So, while she is going through her 'episode' I am freaking out, in tears trying to comfort her and talk to her. I called the vet and my she suggested I take her to Denver and have a cat scan. (literally, a cat scan of my cat). Unfortunately there is no way I could afford it, not to mention close the showroom for the trip (we're talking 7 hours away)! And what if I used a credit card to pay for it and they found nothing? I looked on the internet to no avail for ideas of what may be wrong. I am frustrated and scared. I don't want to have to even THINK about going through these episodes again. And what if they are happening during the day and I don't know about them? Oh bunny, please be okay. I can't live without you.

Thanks to those that have emailed kind wishes for my job hunt. I really appreciate it, considering I can't even get a little support from my family (near OR far). Sometimes I wish I could disappear of the face of the Earth for awhile, just to see how long it will take for people to notice! And then after a few months show up again and when they ask where I was say, "Oh, I was XYZXX, I thought I told you?" I have decided NOT to call anyone back home until they call first. Am I playing games? Yes, I guess I am. But I am tired of being the instigator. Even Liza (who I managed to get to school yesterday in hopes of adding classes BEFORE the next one started) said "you never called me the other night!" I calmly reminded her that she hadn't called ME back for the past 5 times, not the other way around. Geez, do I sound like I am in grade school? I am just tired of it, I guess. I will, from now on, do things for ME (and my bunny kitty). Considering I am all that bunny and I have to rely on.

I am not grateful today, sorry.