a new start
2002-08-31 at 4:32 p.m.

I am sitting here in my new apartment (yes, I did it!) looking out the windows to the most incredible scenic view ever. Of course, there is a wedding going on downstairs so I don't count that. I moved into the apartment above our event center. Remember, I manage a bed and breakfast country inn out in the country in Colorado. This place is fabulous! Although bittersweet.

I went to Colorado Springs last weekend to see my bestest girl pal, Sz6. Ryan didn't come home again all night on Friday so on my way out of town I drove by Shelly's. Guess where his truck was?? She's the one that Ryan was at when his truck got stolen. Funny, I remember distinctly him saying how he couldn't stand her. Oh well, maybe she is great in bed??

So, Sz6 gave me the balls I needed to finally be done with this pain and frustration. I decided this on Monday. I started moving out Tuesday, he got a roommate and HE moved in Thursday. Yep, even moved shit out of my own bedrooms to get his shit in. I couldn't believe the nerve. But I guess it made me get out faster.

I am so alone right now. I miss him, but realize he will never reciprocate what I have given him. I truly hope we can see eachother occasionally, even if only as friends. I love that fool!!!

Please God, help my heart stop hurting!