things to do when you're a bumpkin
2002-12-15 at 11:04 a.m.

Things to do on a Saturday night when you live 30 minutes from the closest town:

1. Unpack the car from your enormous shopping spree at Sam's, Walmart, thrift stores, and Tarjeh

2. Leave the bags on the kitchen and living room floors until you are tired of walking a path around them an hour later

3. Break into the booze you bought for your work party that you were stupid enough to say you would have at your trailer estate (that can sit TWO now that the bosses took your couch)

4. Decide that your office would look better if you moved your desk to the other wall because it isn't good feng shui.

5. Decide to try out the new office arrangement and get online, after making another drink, to check your email knowing full well the process will take only 2 minuted from lack of correspondence from your friends that are currently out on the town that is 30 minutes away.

6. Proceed to check out the Marilyn garb being sold on Ebay.

7. Refill the cocktail and go hog wild on the auctions for Marilyn books you haven't seen before and don't sit in your Marilyn book collection.

8. Realize that one asshole wants the same book and is ruthless enough to bid way more than you want to spend but still out bid him...just for the principle of it.

9. Refill.

10. Pay for some auctions via PayPal BEFORE balancing the checkbook.

11. Make a quick check of the balance in your checking account and realize there will be no more Paypal payments through the checking account.

12. Refill.

13. Decide that some people are real fools if they think they can sell an old bottle of Marilyn merlot for $899 to a Marilyn fan. Hold back on emailing them to that fact.

14. Tell the bunny that she can go to bed without you as she rubs on the feet telling you it is time to go to bed.

15. Decide to stop the insanity and shut down the computer to watch SNL.

16. Fall asleep with the lights and TV on.

Sunday morning 9am reality check...

1. you slept in way longer than you wanted and the bunny is crying because you didn't get up at 630am to feed her.

2. You won six Marilyn books, a Marilyn watch, and a Marilyn cookbook. Total price: $68.47

3. what to do with the damn plastic bags from your shopping spree?

4. Clean up the entire pot of coffee that fell out of your hands and now drips from the counter top to the floor

5. You must get in the shower and clean up the house because you forgot that you agreed to go somewhere with the ex and will be at your door in one hour.

OH how I love to live out in the country. Yes...I need a life!