Mad World
2004-07-13 at 5:04 p.m.

I am a hermit. Devin decided to be an asshole and I lef him. Even though I didn't come out and say it I think the door slamming as he walked away might give him a clue. And I haven't heard from him since Sat. am when the door slamming occurred. One side of me wants him to call and the other is glad he hasn't. and the othe (I'm so 3-sided) says Trish, pick up the phone and make some stupid excuse to call him so you can hear his voice and see if he is pissed or not. Oh, relationships... Well, it started as a simple 'situation' ya know... you are around, we have sex and you go home. But then the feelers got involved. Can't you have a situation without the feelers getting involved? So I hurt. I am not crying, but I am sad and I hurt. And I have a big mouth. And I have to avoid driving by his house 3 blocks away just to see if he is home. Even though it kills me to do so. I am abstaining. He can call first. That fucker! At least I will not be at the bar getting fucked up and spending money I do not have.

I did some 'pilates for dummies' last night and fucked up my back. I can barely stand today. Thanks to 'swimming'. So, that adds to my elevated emotional state.

And I miss my bunny. I was going to go on Sat. up to the most incredible lake at the top of this mountian and spread her ashes, but I need a 4wd. Thanks Devin, you WERE good for a couple things! So, she remains on my dresser in her cute leopard print box.

It has been really hot out. Almost feels muggy at 10% humidity. Glad I am not in Michigan. It would feel like 120 degrees I'm sure.

On a lighter note...I still love my job! My boss is awesome and I am happy to go to work. Actually feels like the only time I AM happy. ow that's a change from a few months ago.

Ryan came over on Friday and brought me a loveseat. I am feeling a little more comfortable in my house. Thank God that happened before my fight w/ Devin. I had big plans last weekend and that frickin fight changed them all and I stayed home almost all weekend, except for a shopping trip to Farmington to spend money I don't have. But they are credit cards so it doesn't feel so bad...until I get the bill. Ergh!!

Well, gettng ready for my programs. I only get one station on tv, CBS. And Tuesdays and Thursdays are now the only nights that stupid box gets turned on. (I COULD make a comment right now, but won't)

Missing someone in my bed, a straight back, and greenbacks in my wallet.

Thankful for a great job, a new fresh bag of coffee beans (thank you Sam's Club), and a good song I can't seem to get out of my head: Tesars for Fears Mad World. Wish I had it to play right now!