the "b" word
2005-03-04 at 6:22 p.m.

I don't know what happens to me but I seem to disappear from d-land for awhile and then get the itch to come back. I am not happy with my ultra slow dial-up so I get a little frustrated with trying to get online and give up.

I have been in a writing mode lately though. I feel like I have so many things to get out of me. so, to start I will talk about my impending bankruptcy.
Yes, slush did it. After 20 years of debt and stress and frustration I got a little behind and consulted a debt counselor. I have talked to many before, however, Slush actually pays her bills (maybe not always on time, but the monthly bill gets paid). No one has been able to help me without being 90 days delinquent, etc. So I tried again. I contacted a very nice gal at Christian Debt Consolidation. I played phone tag with Shelby for a couple weeks and finally got to talk to her. She was wonderful as I explained my situation. She didn't think any of her programs would help except a debt settlement program.
So this program would settle with my credit cards after I paid in 50% of my debt. And at $23,000 that would take a year and a half. It actually sounded pretty good figuring I could be out of debt in 34 months. Well, I didn't realize that my cc companies would report delinquent accounts until them. So I said, well is it worth it having a year and a half of delinquent notices on the ole credit report? So, she agreed and suggested I file a chapter 7 bankruptcy.
Being the Virgo I am I thought "I could never do that. And admit I fucked up?" Oh the shame. I couldn't let my mother know, and my grandmother, UGH!! The fate... But then I remembered the wonderful words from my therapist (another great topic for writing). She said I need to take care of myself and think for myself and make my OWN decisions without worrying what others will think. (Another result of being an ACOA)
I called SHelby last night to thank her for the advice and give her an update. So, I did it, I first met with 3 attorneys (2 were slime balls) and found the 3rd that was professional, a dream.
After completing my paperwork I realized I really had nothing to show for my debt. NOTHNG! He said it should be a pretty basic case.
Next phase was to open a new checking account with only $100 balance and close the other. Pay cash for EVERYTHING, including money orders for rent or bills. I had to close my other wells fargo acct because my overdraft protection was a VISA attached to that bank account. They were also the worst bank I have ever worked with. (My new bank is a dream and I even wrote the president a letter of appreciation to which he replied via handwritten card within 2 days)
So...I go to court (well, it's actually called a creditors meeting with a trustee) on March 18th in Grand Junction. It's a 3-hour drive, but worth it. I have been doing great without the credit cards. Paying cash really makes you appreciate how much things cost and if you NEED something or just WANT it. Well, it hit me this week when I really WANTED these sand colored Dansko shoes. (But I haven't been able to find them and there they were on ebay...and I had a couple drinks and 'accidentally' bid on them..and won) So there was a quick $90 that Ididn't take into consideration ofrent and my doctor appt on Monday. (Another $600 rent, $86 appt. plus $115 for prescription). So I am a little broke. My friend from work loaned my some money, so rent won't bounce, until next Friday so I think I will be ok. Just need to not drink, eat or smoke for a week. Paypal donations always accepted. LOL
I have had some criticism for doing this bankruptcy thing, however, as I look at it...I am not planning to buy a house in the next 5 years. My car WILL run for the next 5 years, why do I need credit right now? Peace of mind and an austerity program has been what I needed all along. What if I die tomorrow? At least I would have been happy today:)
I miss my d-land friends. Will need to go visiting tonight since I am home, not going out since I have no cash. Going to hang low this week. Tomorrow going to work up at the mountain for a friend who does snowmobile tours. Maybe I can make some tips.
I am thankful for my own choices, the beautiful colorado blue sky, and being my own person no matter what anyone thinks!